SPILL THE FEELS (08): LOOK WHO'S BACK.

Been staring at this blinking cursor since this morning but I still couldn't come up with a blog post to pump my July up. Let's see where this goes though.

I feel like I owe it to those amazing people who visit the blog often to check for new posts -- that I want to give an update about how's my bookish life doing. I've said this repeatedly but I've wasted my entire year last year in things that I thought mattered at the moment. The intense blogging urge slipped from my grasp that the blog suffered so bad. I was so side-tracked I lost focus. I don't regret anything I did, I just feel immensely bad that I could no longer go back and put value in what I've lost.

I know I could have done so much in a year but well, my choices had been greatly stupid. There are no do-overs in this life but I want to start anew and here we are, coping and making it up.

This simple post is dedicated to my bookish friends all over the globe who never abandoned me in times I'd stumbled and almost gave up; to those blog readers who didn't falter in visiting this little site; to those who believed and continues to believe in what we do and to all book lovers who give so much meaning to this journey. This is too dramatic for my taste but hell, I owe it to all of you. Without your never-ending enthusiasm, I wouldn't be blogging anymore. So thank you, everyone! Thank you ever so much!

I've been putting this off for so long now that I know I've given myself soooooo much time to be ready once again. Expect more reviews and a little extras on the side here on the blog. There will also be giveaways so watch out. But for tonight, let me share this and dive deep in to this excitement that I am finally going back to what I love most -- books! Here's to never again getting tired of blogging! Cheers!

Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?

SPILL THE FEELS (07): WHY NUMBERS NO LONGER MATTER.

I had this post titled and saved since February 2014. Every time I try to begin expressing what I truly feel, nothing seems right. So I left it empty until today. (I think I have all the fitting thoughts, thanks to coffee?)

I've been blogging for a while and the journey has been nothing but amazing. When I was starting, I was too energetic to post every day, join all the memes, comment on all the blogs (this one I have to continue) and be on Goodreads all day reading all the reviews. Even if I don't sleep, even if I don't eat, as long as I blog, all is well. I kept doing it until one day I can't anymore. I looked back and eventually realize how horrible my blog contents are (I've improved a little today, I think). I felt like no one reads my reviews or no one visits my blog at all that is why I DON'T GAIN FOLLOWERS. The insecurity began crawling in my brain like a worm that I can't remove. Then the blogging mojo started to fade.

I tried what I thought would help me reach the number of followers I want by joining blog tours, cover reveals, doing blog features of my own and giveaways but none of these helped. Well, I gained little following (THANK YOU) but still not the number I wanna see. I became obsessed with hitting the right stats and started comparing my blog to this blog blah blah blah. IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY THAT THE HORRIBLE THOUGHT OF QUITTING CROSSED MY MIND.

But then, I asked myself, why was I so eager to hit a certain ceiling for blog stats to begin with? To be called a big blog? To be looked up to? To have the number back up when requesting ARCs? To what really? Dammit, I couldn't answer. Up until now, I still can't and probably I never will admit it to myself even if come to the conclusion as to WHY. Okay, well, maybe because I thought having small following made me a little bit of a failure but boy, was I wrong!

So last December, I took a month long hiatus and contemplated on what truly makes me happy -- fangirling (capslocking basically) on Twitter and reading all the books I feel like picking up. I stopped cramming and obsessing and it made me so liberated, so free! I don't really look into the what numbers I have on the blog anymore because am satisfied with what I gained. I value these readers, commenters, RTers so much that I feel I am finally an accomplished blogger through them. The most important thing I learned in this beautiful community is that numbers on your blog don't define you. So why not focus on the aspects of blogging that bring bliss to me, right?

I'm proud to say that am past the 'numbers obsession' phase. Blog numbers no longer matter to me, I mean, it wouldn't be the priority anymore. And thank you to all of YOU (email subscribers, GFC, Bloglovin, Twitter and IG followers and friends on Facebook) who have been with me all these years. You are all that I ever need. And advance thank you to the future ones!

And to the big bloggers who I get the chance to talk to once in a while on Twitter, do not freaking change!

HUDDLE POST (6): CONTACTS.

*Note: This post has been drafted for so long that I just couldn't find the right time to publish it. But I think it is about time now.*

What I discovered a few months after I joined the book blogging community is Advance Reading Copies or finished copies for review for that matter. At first, I was tremendously jealous of those established book bloggers abroad because of their blog statistics and their massive book mail haul weekly (you would see it here). I can only salivate much HAHAHA! But seriously, I was envious all the time and been so negative about it. But I feel like at this point, I am over it.

I am over the jealous stage not because I have an established blog nor sky rocketing statistics. I am over it because I REALIZED THAT IN THIS "CAREER", YOU REALLY HAVE TO WORK HARD AND BE PATIENT. Followers will come and go, page views will go up and down. But you just have to push yourself and never give up because eventually, you will get there. Which actually leads to my main reason for this post:

CONTACTS.

It is very difficult to acquire contacts. Those precious email addresses of publicists aren't going to popup anywhere on the internet with just one click. I remember THAT time when I was trying to search for Random House's publicity email which took 5 hours but still, I got nothing. I couldn't find the correct publicity email for my location and honestly? I was DEVASTATED. It was just THAT hard to search for it, so frustrating that I couldn't find such a simple information. I gave up. Then I tried to search for MacMillan US'. But I thought, since I have a friend who has been receiving ARCs already from the said publisher, I asked her DIRECTLY for the email address which luckily, she gave without hesitations. You know what, I felt bad after. I felt that what I did was unfair. THAT friend might have gone through the excruciating way of finding that contact. I REALLY FELT BAD.   I apologized recently So the next time I encountered issues requesting from MacMillan US, I asked another friend -- this time, for HELP. I asked her HOW TO FIND the correct imprint that caters to our location and she did walk me through. After GOOGLE-ing for half an hour or so, I found the contact! IT WAS JUST SO REWARDING! And from then on, I just keep on researching about imprints and luckily, I found several active contacts.

ASKING BLUNTLY FOR THE DIRECT EMAIL ADDRESS.

Lately, I've been asked a lot about contact's email addresses. And I thought, why? Why just ask? Why not crack your knuckles and start working on finding one? I don't find it rude if co-bloggers ask me directly for the emails addresses I found but rather suspicious. Just like what Lili mentioned on her post about the same issue, if she did it, why can't other people do the same? I mean, can't you try to at least search on Google or go to the publisher's website and click on CONTACT US? We should do our part as book reviewers -- a lesson learned the hard way. And one part of blogging is BEING HARD WORKING. Don't be lazy (like what I did) and bluntly ask friends for contacts because believe me, it is so hard to find one.

I admit that I traded contacts with friends. It was fun at first and I think it is a fair thing to do but as time goes by, this clever thought came to mind -- I have to stop trading contacts. And what offends me is that a lot of people just revert to asking directly for the info. Nope, won't do it again.

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DOING IT.

Whether you are an established blogger or a newbie (don't get me wrong, am not even close to being an established blogger), please refrain from asking for direct contacts. What I would prefer to hear at this point probably would be: how-to questions -- How to search for contacts, what key words I used in searching, how do I compose my email etc and I will gladly help! But again, please, DO NOT ask directly for the contacts to simply show respect to what others have worked hard on. Plus, isn't it a little awkward to ask someone you don't even know for such vital info?

These post from Ashley of Nose Graze are definitely helpful:

Tips for New Book Bloggers

How to Receive Physical ARCs

And

From Katie's Book Blog: How To Get ARCs and What Not To Do.

From Xpresso Reads: Requesting ARCs.

From Parjunkee: ARCs The Ins and Outs.

From The Story Siren: Advance Reader's Copies: FAQs.

I am skeptical about publishing this Huddle post because I am afraid some people might find the contents offensive, rude or conceited. I do not intend to offend anyone or directly question blogger's intention. This is merely what I feel/think whenever I get asked to give out contacts.

HUDDLE POST (5): PLAGIARISM TAKE 2.

I was surprised that I am working on another post for this feature. This is my second under the same topic. I don't usually write much under this category, not the same week! But yes, after my Quarter Book Life Crisis post the other day, here I am again.. confused.

I have never thought that I would be plagiarized. It feels.. surreal. My blog is just an ordinary blog with ordinary posts but with extraordinary effort. I know how hard it is to write a review because I usually take hours to finish one. And the longest was my review of Hopeless by Colleen Hoover that took 4 drafting days just because I wanted it to give justice to the blasting emotions the book gave me. My first language isn't English, so I think that doubles the effort and I honestly NEVER imagined I would be *kind of* a victim of plagiarism.

This is my second time being plagiarized. The first one was early this year but I totally understand the reasons behind the incident. I easily let that go and yes, moved on. I know a lot of established bloggers who have been plagiarized also and they did an extensive research/monitoring/verifying before they called out the person who did them wrong. I won't be calling out my plagiarizer even though I know in my heart that our reviews have so much similarities. I even asked help from my blogger friends for opinions just to make sure that I wasn't over-reacting. The other person's review was not a literal copy/paste but I believe it was simply edited. I can still see some lines from my review but I don't have the courage to tell the person. I don't know. I might be just a little paranoid or blah. I honestly don't know what to do.

Here are some examples:

He's got the heart to love beyond what love means! HE'S IMPERFECTLY PERFECT! - from mine

He’s imperfectly perfect. He had he's equal share of pain. - from the other blogger.

It have given me the ultimate shock ever in my life coming from a book!

I was shocked and speechless.

she's the toughest, smartest, weirdest, funniest female protagonist I have so far encountered.

She's not like any other character that I've read in the past. She's funny, easy going and tough in the outside but soft and sensitive in the inside.

Magnificent novel, entertaining and moving.

It was DEEPLY MOVING.

The flow of thought also shows some similarities but I cannot just bluntly say my review was copied. So, am I just exaggerating? Overreacting? Paranoid? I guess the main reason why I posted this is to ask ALL of you:

HOW CAN YOU TELL/SAY THAT YOU WERE PLAGIARIZED AND WHAT TO DO IF YOU WERE?

HALPP!

HUDDLE POST (4): QUARTER-BOOK LIFE CRISIS.

This past few months I've been thinking hard about my intentions for book blogging. Well, it is really one of the few things I *used* to enjoy doing because I love the feeling of being busy typing thoughts on my laptop and sharing it with people who actually visit my blog and I love writing (literally, like doodling, coloring or word art). I TOTALLY LOVE THE FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT especially when bloggers talk to me about whatever nonsense I post. I've read a ton of blog posts about this said topic and I can't do anything but agree. What made me post this, you ask? I don't know. I just feel like I have to vent or worse, stop blogging altogether.

At first, I was so into it. As in so involved in everything about what book blogging requires. I even tried to teach myself about basic HTML and Photoshop so I could just make this page the way I wanted it to appear. I was blinded my those shiny paperbacks that murdered my savings account which I allowed to happen. Just like you people, I've given this .0000000001% (or less) of the internet space so much time and love. Along the way however, I feel like am leaving behind what motivated me at first. Am not sure if I'm even making sense here but my fingers wouldn't stop typing. As I continue to book blog, its as if am easily envious and I start to question people or easily get half-hearted with what I do. It maybe true that book blogging is turning me into this sensitive person I never thought I would be (am just afraid to admit it I guess) that whenever I visit my favorite blogs (I visit them every single time I get the chance), there's this sadness in my heart that my blog will never be like theirs. When that hits me over and over again, I don't know, it hurts.

I tried to reason out to myself that this thing should be fun. It is and as a matter of fact, the problem is simply ME. I don't see things the way I used to which makes me divert the blame to my blog. My attention is almost always focused on the numbers on the blog. My Facebook page likes go from 199 to 200 to 197 to 195 back to 199 and gets stuck there for a while. There are awesome bloggers I know that started the same time as I did and their followers now are around 1000 and mine is 200 plus (not that am complaining, just citing an example). As I type this, I lost another follower that led me to asking again, what do I have to do to gain this certain amount of readers? Do I have to change my blog theme? Do I have to change the format of my posts? Should I host giveaways and blog tours every month? I understand that I will never convince and force people to follow me or like my blog, but if am going to be as honest here then let me be thorough with it, I wanted to gain readers. Why? For ARCs? For being a legit blogger? For being established? For the fame? NO. I want readers because through readers I know this thing that am doing matters. But blogging for more than a year now doesn't show that I've improved at all. Worst part? These numbers didn't bother me in the past and it didn't matter before but now, all of a sudden, it just does.

There was even a point when I told myself am okay with the blog stats. I tried focusing on helping lovely authors in promoting their books and just kept on reading and reviewing. But still I wasn't satisfied. Am I becoming greedy? Probably. Which is scary. This isn't what I wanted to be. And when these pubs rejected (no email replies yet) my galley requests (which is totally INEVITABLE), the sadness tripled. Ugh, pathetic right? Am also becoming paranoid that this one book blogger I used to look up to makes me feel like she's shoving to my face how established she is. Like "Huh, I can just request those books you are dying to get and I will easily get approved plus I have contacts" effect. I know am so unreasonable. I am still trying to fight this "illness" I acquired hence this blog post. Maybe I just couldn't accept the ugly truth that my blog is moving as slow as a turtle and am really not happy with it.

I will forever be grateful that I allowed myself to start this page because if it wasn't for this blog, I wouldn't have met such lovely bloggers and authors, I wouldn't have been invited to blogger's conferences and I wouldn't have been sent fantastic ARCs. Wishes granted. But I just wanted to feel what inspired me to start this blog in the first place and not become someone I don't want to be. Giving up this blog shouldn't even be on my To-Do list but its becoming tiresome. The joy isn't here anymore. Where did it go? What did I do wrong?

I guess you are all saying that I have to start changing my perspective and just enjoy. Yeap, I am trying. Maybe I need a breather. I don't know.

Am I the only one like this out there? Can someone else relate to me? I hope am the only one who feels this because I feel horrible.

HUDDLE POST (3): CONFERENCE ETIQUETTE AND THE LIKES.

One of my favorite bloggers Kelly from Radiant Shadows shared a discussion post about ARCs, Blog Hauls and Jealousy on her blog. I suggest that before you go read this entire entry, check out first what she wrote and pointed out because I love and support it.

This post is just basically my reaction to what bloggers (not all) are fusing about and my answer to Kelly's question:

Am I the only one who feels like we’re being a little too sensitive on this “issue” or do you think people are right to get upset with bloggers who “show off” their big hauls?

Okay. Honestly? It makes me raise an eyebrow. Not to Kelly. But the "issue" itself. First of all, you guys know how much dedication book blogging requires. We have to invest so much time (reading and writing) and money (buying books or even having our own themes tweaked by pros) to make our blogs pretty, updated and of course, attract followers. Now, making a blog as successful as those well-established ones need hard work. And I think, their stats show it, don't you think?

Why would some people get upset when a hard working blogger gets ARCs or post big book haul?

Probably because they're way too insecure. That their insecurity eats them alive that it makes them think irrationally.

Probably because they're too far from a conference's location or busy to attend. I live miles and miles and miles away from US but I don't know, I feel happy for those people who always get to attended signings or conferences and I use it as a motivation to be a better blogger. I know some people feel that way too. I seriously ENVY those who get to attend BEA, SDCC, ALA, NYCC etc yet I appreciate their efforts in sharing what they've gotten and what they've experienced/seen.

Probably because there's no affirmation from publishers. I think we really don't need it. We book blog because we love books and reading. Being recognized by the publisher should always come as a bonus for us. If they don't send ARCs, we shouldn't get upset and instead keep working hard.

Probably because those people who post big hauls are just proud of their accomplishments as bloggers. Actually, this is possible. Only some people's judgements are.. wrong.

There is no instant success in this world, literally. Everything requires HARD WORK and DEDICATION. Plus, why think of those bloggers who share their BIG HAUL as show offs? These are just people like you and me who wanted to share what they have. They wanted to share how happy they are for the new titles that would pile their TBRs up and then would complain later. Just like you and me. Why can't we just all be supportive of each other or be happy for each other? No etiquettes should be made for posting hauls because aren't we all mature for this? If you know you're not supposed to post something or if you are unsure if you could (only if there are instructions not to post), then just don't. Kelly is right that we are just being a little to sensitive about this issue and we should all be friends in this community. And Katie is right too, she learned her lesson from the past that she just wanted to share it to prevent people from making the same thing but shoving and running? Come on, guys. We are better than this.

Isn't blogging a form of self-expression? Nothing should stop us from posting/sharing our thoughts or even our hauls. Nothing. Unless we're filming our vlogs naked.

*hugs*