So.. hi! I'm alive! *waves* hehehehe been meaning to write something up to kinda explain the sudden blogging break but this damn thing called burnout just wouldn't leave me alone so it got delayed. Why am I here now though? This past weekend, something sad came up and everything just suddenly made sense to me. More like a blessing in disguise kinda thing. I won't go through the specifics but life has been a whirlwind of struggles since the last time I posted (May). It's still hard as of writing but more manageable now. That's basically the only *initial* reason for the blogging break. Focusing on my mental health and health in general was the goal. But a few months ago, during I think my first month of unannounced break, I found out that one of the publishers I worked with since 2013 dropped me off their mailing list just because I was on a break not even that long yet and that was the last straw for me. I know I don't have the right to complain or anything but it was so devastating to me. It added another blow to the already aching heart. I deleted my old Twitter (I got it back just earlier today thankful that no one grabbed my old handle), deleted my bookstagram account (which was stuck with the same number of followers for years), sold half of my book collection and didn't renew my domain host subscription anymore. I was so freaking tempted to delete this blog, too but thankfully, blogger friends talked me out of it. I mean, everything was so chaotic in my personal life that handling a full-blown rejection from someone you worked with for the longest time, I couldn't. I could not deal with it. The anger, frustration and pain were just so extreme it felt like something is going to literally explode inside me. So I stepped away from the things that trigger the stress - blogging and reading.
Going back to the things that made sense to me last weekend.. I realized that I was so freaking focused on superficial things I see on social media. In short, social media negatively affected me. I didn't realize that I was becoming someone else, I was becoming greedy and envious. I was turning into someone I know I'd hate. All this just to fit in a society where validation is flying around. I know it shouldn't have that control over me but it did. So I took a break, reassessed, and learned.
Also, Kingdom of Ash kinda saved me, too. I just finished reading it two days ago and it was the first book in 7 months that I finished. It made me feel things. It made me feel normal in a way -- it made me remember how I felt when I was starting to review books. No pressure, just all fun. I reviewed it on Goodreads and it felt so good! And I never felt more freer. This is how it should be, right? You read what you want to read, at your own pacing. Stop when you need a break. I will be forever grateful to all the publishers I worked with but this time, I am just going to focus on me.
Thank you to everyone who emailed and sent DMs before asking how I was. Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for reading and for being here.
I'll be here once more, taking it one step at a time. No pressure, just all fun.
